Writing
Essays, observations, and investigations of varying seriousness.
An Incomplete History of Doing Nothing
There is no comprehensive record of humanity's relationship with doing nothing, because the people best qualified to write it were, at the time, doing nothing. This is both the…
On the Structural Integrity of Sandwiches
Every sandwich is a structural engineering problem disguised as lunch. The ratio of bread tensile strength to filling moisture content determines whether you eat with dignity or…
A Defense of the Spork
The spork occupies a unique position in the taxonomy of eating instruments: universally mocked, yet stubbornly persistent. No other tool has endured such sustained ridicule while…